Adopted Child

One of the most frequently asked questions we hear is about issues that might arise in the life of an adopted child. Adoption experts Sharon Kaplan Rozsia and Deborah Silverstein identified seven "core issues:"

• Loss
• Rejection
• Guilt and Shame
• Grief
• Identity
• Intimacy
• Mastery/control

They write: "The presence of these issues does not indicate, however, that either the individual or the institution of adoption is pathological or pseudopathological. Rather, these are expected issues that evolve logically out of the nature of adoption. Before the recent advent of open and cooperative practices, adoption had been practiced as a win/lose or adversarial process. In such an approach, birth families lose their child in order for the adoptive family to gain a child. The adoptee was transposed from one family to another with time-limited and, at times, shortsighted consideration of the child's long-term needs. Indeed, the emphasis has been on the needs of the adults -- on the needs of the birthfamily not to parent and on the needs of the adoptive family to parent. The ramifications of this attitude can be seen in the number of difficulties experienced by adoptees and their families over their lifetimes." (read more...)

Nancy Newton Verrier's revolutionary book about the trauma of separation from the birthmother, "Pirmal Wound," opened a new dialog that hasn't abated since the book was published (1993).

Additional Reading:

Understanding the Adopted Child

Don't forget: an adopted child is, afterall, a child - and there are many great resources available for them including books, games, places to explore their heritage, and places to interact with other young adoptees. Check it out.